As I was going through my daily habit of blog-reading I noticed that several of you have posted end of the year type things, one of you even posted an end of the decade list! Quite the feat! Of course I found myself becoming inspired and figured that since the entire week is full of all sorts of social obligations (namely Moe's tonight with Lauren!) I might not have the free time to sit and write out a blog about my feelings this time of year... and what not. Besides, lists are so much easier.

Speaking of lists... groceries. I will have you know that we went over by roughly $40 the entire month of groceries which isn't HORRIBLE... but it isn't great. I do have to admit that I made a killer Christmas dinner and we have had sweets out the wazoo which is partially due to the $40 increase in food. In other news my husband just called to remind me that I need to pick up some bread and something to drink since we have nothing. What? We don't have bread for sandwiches to pack for lunches!? Yes, I'm that stingy, and yes we already went over $40... sigh... but if Jaime wants it, he gets it. Maybe since he's in charge of the budget he'll make that $40 just disappear? Maybe?

Here's my decade list:

2000 - I finished my sophomore year at T.L. Hanna and began my Junior year at SCGSAH. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and promptly lost about 15 pounds which resulted in me looking a lot like a skeleton. I cried in lots of my piano lessons and my teachers called me a baby. Looking back, I totally deserved it. I also rang in the new year and the frightening Y2K with my parents, at home. My brother went off to be amazing and smart at Yale.

2001 - I finally got my feet under me, stopped crying, and began winning competitions. I also realized that I was absolutely capable of all the things my teachers said I was and more. I worked at Sonic that summer and gained back all 15 pounds that I had lost :)

2002 - I graduated! I also had a different piano teacher that year who smelled badly. I got an awesome scholarship at Samford and picked it because my parents said they would give me a car. Looking back I might have been just as happy at Taylor University (despite the fact that Taylor is my brother's name... it could have haunted me) but I chose Alabama over Indiana. I cut off all my hair, not a good choice. I went to college and met my roommate, randomly selected, and stayed with her all four years. I smarted off to my English professor and told him he was stupid to his face.. something like that.. and he hired me to tutor other English students.. score!

2003 - One of my best friends Freshman year died in a car wreck before the school year began again and I drove to the funeral and back in one day, 10 hours, in the 1991 Volvo that I kept till the engine fell out of it. I start my sophomore year at Samford and think I'm so smart. I got a job working in the library as well as continuing to work as a tutor. I think this was the year that I was teased rather horribly in Music History, and, eventually pushed out a window (it wasn't high off the ground at all.. like.. inches) and locked outside. This was also the year that Dr. Sander's wrote shit on the wall instead of shnit.. the beginning of a composer I should remember but don't.

2004 - Still doing what I do best, practicing, working, not really studying very hard. I bought a gerbil to keep me company, Malachi. My roommate and I hid him in our room until he died back in South Carolina. This was the year that Jaime Black said that the comment I made in Music Lit. was so hot he wanted to make out with me. I thought he was the strangest person I'd ever met. It was also the year that Jaime Black asked me to rub his back and when I said I wouldn't dream of ever touching him (ha) he offered to rub mine. I promptly told him that I wouldn't let him near enough. Taylor graduated from Yale and I got to go see it happen, much fun! And way more exciting than any other graduation I've ever been to.

2005 - This year I won a prize in piano and put all the prize money towards my trip to France. I spent a month and a half with Laura, my best friend, in France and had a wonderful wonderful time. The movie Taken made me realize just how close I came to dying, oh, about a million times, so I'm thankful that I wasn't killed, kidnapped, raped, or whatever else could have happened. Senior year begins and I realize that I'm not ready to graduate, at all. Oh and my brother gets married! Yay!

2006 - I asked Jaime Black to be my date at a Phi Mu Alpha/Delta Omicron formal because I wanted to wear a very sexy dress and I knew that I could trust him to say anything he though out loud, and because I could trust him. That way I would know if he thought I looked a little too good (because he would say it out loud) and because I knew he wouldn't care (because he's such a trustworthy guy). I played my best recital ever and Jaime Black attended, dressed to kill ;) I graduate college right on time, nothing left for me to work on or complete. Jaime insisted on coming to both my senior thesis (I made him stay in the music school lobby I was so nervous) and my graduation. He met my parents while we took pictures afterwards. Oh and I cut off all my hair, started working at Starbucks and taught a full time load of private piano students and the local university, and Jaime officially asked me to date him that summer. Shortly afterwards I bought Churchill, my first born fur child.

2007 - We sort of did the whole, get engaged and get married in a year thing. He proposed a few minutes before I had to be at work on a Saturday afternoon and then sat with me while I worked, all day, It was amazing. I quit my job at Starbucks for a better paying job with some crazy weirdo psychiatrist, while still pulling a full load of students. We moved into a tiny little place in down town Birmingham and had thousands of roaches live with us, and had no central heat or air. Lovely.

2008 - Quit the job at the local university for a job that paid twice as much and cut my student load in half (sigh of relief?!). Quickly quit my job with the psycho and got the job I have now, working in the music store. Jaime and I move to another apartment only to find out we live in the ghetto, but with central heat and air. Oh and I bought a piano :) A beautiful, wonderful, studio upright... from the music store I work in now. Imagine the discount I could have gotten! I cut my hair off again, much to Jaime's demise.

2009 - Jaime joins me in the evening, teaching guitar two nights a week while I teach piano. We add our second fur child to the mix, Huxley, who promptly gets us a ticket out of our apartment (apparently 10 pound dogs walk loudly). Silver lining? A much better place, a much quieter place, and Jaime's college roommate and his wife live next door. I am also growing my hair out for Jaime and he is growing his out for cancer patients. Oh, and my parents bought a new house. Jaime has also acquired nearly ever video game system that matters.

That took way longer than I wanted it to so if you didn't read it all I totally understand. Crazy how life takes you down your path isn't it? I mean, ten years ago did I have a clue what my life was going to become. Those are the highlights though, if you made it through! Maybe tomorrow I'll get gutsy enough to do a month by month of 2009! lol..

It's Christmas Eve! And I'm at work! And I still have things to buy!!!!

Now that I've gotten that out of my system I can continue with a wrap up of my past week. Jaime and I went to South Carolina to visit with my parents, brother and sister-in-law. I had woken up earlier than Jaime so I went in the dining room to drink some coffee while waking up. My mother passed by and said "It's so nice to see you sitting at my table". That statement reflected my feelings quite well. It was so nice to be able to spend enough time at home that I could just live there, not visit. I know in past posts I had talked about how growing up means leaving home, which it does and for good reason. But it was so nice to simply live with my parents for a few days, to have all of us live together. The only thing I would change (if I could.. and I have a feeling that it will never happen) would be to mute my friendly little fur children whenever a visitor came to the door. They are such good watch dogs but simply do not understand that we need our hearing.

We got to do the whole Swedish thing, the meatballs, the Swedish toast, the cookies. I'm so glad that my parents have kept this part of my heritage alive. And mostly I simply love the food, all of those foods are comfort foods for me. At one point I woke up (again before Jaime) and the only thought in my mind was how to reheat Swedish Meatballs without a microwave. Several times people said to me, "Why are you eating Meatballs for breakfast?" and I simply thought.. well, why not!? Mom, Dad, get a microwave.

I'm so blessed to have a friendship with my Mother that I thought I would never ever have. I suppose we were a little harsher than the typical Mother-Daughter relationship growing up. I guess you could say that we just didn't understand each other. But now that I'm older I treasure her friendship so much and I'm so blessed that I can talk with her. I think I spend the majority of my time with her venting my frustrations about people back in Birmingham. While on the one hand I was so hung up on certain things that frustrated me I felt like Mom hardly got a work in edge wise, but on the other hand she gave me very good advice and it was so nice to simply, vent, and get it all out in the open. We're both talkers, my Mother and me. My Dad, not so much :) His phone calls to me last 1-5 minutes max. I think he gets a little exasperated by us sometimes. I always teased my Mother about how she could find a way to state something 5 different times just to get her point across, and get her point across again, and if you didn't catch it that time how about I explain how to get her point across. But the more and more time passes the more and more Jaime says to me, "You're just as bad as your Mother". And he's right.

The dogs were such happy campers minus the ear piercing screams when ever someone came to the door. They received two new toys which were a big hit. One you can put food inside and when you roll it around it will make noises and drop a few pieces at a time. Huxley has learned this one backwards and forwards, Churchill on the other hand, just waits for it to drop food. Mom is always good about giving them treats. This year it was the ham hocks used to season the green beans. While we were packing up our things Tuesday afternoon the boys were in the back yard scarfing down the ham hocks. We were finally on our way and had made it all the way to Atlanta when I was talking to Jaime about the difference between dogs and babies (yes I'm comparing them and yes I think of my dogs as dog-people so what?). I brought up the point that babies and dogs aren't that different because you have to take babies everywhere you go just like you take dogs, only babies have to go EVERYWHERE you go because if you put a baby in a crate they could cry so loud your neighbors would call the police... something like that. We laughed at our cleverness and while we were laughing I heard the strangest noise coming from the back seat. Churchill decided while we were driving through 7 lanes of traffic in down town Atlanta that the ham hock he had eaten hours before did not appeal to his innards. He threw them up in what looked like a gallon sized heap of nastiness in our backseat. I did what any fur child mother would do, took off my seat belt and started cleaning it up with the extra towels we keep for just this purpose. Churchill looked sick, and Huxley looked frightened in the other corner of the backseat. Right at that moment, as God would have it, the radio started to play What a Wonderful World. Jaime and I caught eyes and laughed and laughed and laughed. And I figured, that when the time comes for us to have children, there is no way we will be unprepared.

We arrived back in Birmingham to a townhouse that was not robbed or burned down. My basil plant that I was given at Black Christmas has decided to sprout up which was a pleasant thing to find after 5 days of neglect. And I was very pleased with our decision to clean the place up before we left. How nice it is to come home to a clean house, all you have to do is unpack. Unpack and make dozens and dozens of cookies. :) Which I did. Oh goodness how I made cookies.

This morning while driving the short distance to work I happened to catch a little bit of the King's College 9 Lessons and Carols. It's quite moving to listen to a young boys choir, as talented as the King's College boys, singing the carols you hear every year. I'm always amazed that we do this routine once a year, every year yet everyone still looks forward to it just the same. I've also been very aware this year of the many different religions that practice holidays this same season. Some of you know that rumors have it Jesus was actually born in the Spring.. or was it the Fall? But the reason we celebrate on the 25th? From what I understand is simply because of the Winter Solstice. I watched a documentary a few weeks ago that was very interesting. It hit on some points of Christianity I never knew before (probably because they have nothing to do with Christ, gasp, horror!). This film basically was saying that Christ was simply a person set to a belief that has existed for hundreds of years before His birth. Pagan beliefs to be exact. That on the 23rd of December the sun is in it's lowest point in the sky but that three days later, on the 25th it begins to rise again. This was the pagans way of charting the seasons, and a promise that Spring would soon be on it's way. It's also a pretty unimaginative way to describe our Easter season. Believe it or not I prefer a bit of excitement in my religion, you know, the whole trial, crucifixion, raising from the dead thing and what not. But what I found very interesting that I had never thought of before was the idea of celebrating Christmas on this day in December a day which basically has a pagan origin. What's even more amazing than that is that business's close on Christmas day. That still, so many people celebrate this day in our country.
I've read far too many facebook posts and blogs emphasizing the reason for the season. That part of Christmas gets old to me, very fast. So often I see fellow believers hammer home the idea that Christmas is not about gifts or trees but it's about little baby Jesus. Sometimes I think they fail to see the forest for the trees. Look around! I've been working this afternoon at Ellis and every single customer that came in today told me Merry Christmas, and I returned it. NPR (that crazy leftest radio station) played Lessons and Carols this morning. Tonight, I'll be singing with the Catholics on EWTN. Christmas is all around us, everywhere you go. It is our choice to grasp it with both hands or to complain that it's not enough.

Ok enough of the religious talk! I need to spend some active awake time thinking about what to make for Christmas Eve dinner!

I was running late this morning so I had to bring my coffee in my DD mug and a zip lock baggie full of cereal. Here I am now trying to type up a blog entry while eating and drinking my breakfast. This may take a while. I'm also trying to get a list written of all the things I have to do today in order to be ready to go to SC tomorrow. Tomorrow! And it's turning out to be quite the list of things to do.
I've been quite inspired by my friend Susan's blog lately. I know that her journal is rather private so I won't put up a link to it. I'm always pleasantly surprised by the things she writes. She can take into account the things that are going on around her and comment on them in such a way that is almost artistic in a way. I feel that no matter what she writes she has a reason to do so, and even if she is criticizing something I've said or done I know that it's not without cause. She's also super rational which helps. And she usually is logical with her thinking which I love. I'm so thankful for her friendship, even though we don't see each other as often as I see others. I'm thankful that she always has an open mind to anything I might tell her or discuss with her. It's been so long since I've had a friend I could openly discuss things with without getting the same generic answers to. She really makes me think, and puts me at ease while I do so.

It's amazing how different my life is now than it was years before when I was in college and in high school. Jaime and I were once having a conversation with some friends and we were discussing religion (because... why not!?). One of them brought up a point about how children and teenagers lack the ability to make certain decisions and of course I'm screwing this whole thing up because of my lack of know-how. But younger people in general are not supposed to have the capacity to make complicated decisions about things, religion being one of them. That's not to say that it's wrong to believe something when you are young, or old, or whenever. It just got the wheels turning in my head about many many things, not just God. What things have I learned when I was young that I simply do not question now because they appear to be a part of me? I've spent some time lately thinking back about my college years, and my high school years, and holy crap, even my middle school years. I changed throughout all of those. I developed in many ways. But what things have I thought my whole life are normal that just might not be?

Recently I accidentally left scuff marks on our new dining room table. Small as they were my husband was very upset. He likes nice things, can you blame him? I had put some plates on the table without something under them to protect the table top, which left the scuffs. I say that I accidentally did this because I simply forgot the science lesson my scientific husband gave me about density and damage. I should have remembered but I didn't and it was my fault. And after we had our argument and our frustrations and our forgiveness time I sat thinking why on earth would I forget something like that? And then I realized, the table I ate off of for almost 20 years of my life never had a table cloth on it, we put glasses down on the table itself. We never used place mats. Of course it was scuffed up, but it was a usable and well loved table. Jaime reminded me that he saw my mother use it as a cutting board. I'm sure we've cut on it. It occurred to me that I viewed the table we have now as that table I grew up with. Something to be used, a utility. I realized also that Jaime did not view that table in that way. He wanted it to be something that we cherished and kept for years to come, in pristine condition. He reminded me of the cherry table my parents had and how well we treated it, kept it covered, protected it. I suddenly realized that instead of focusing on remembering the lesson about density and damage, I could simply view this table as that cherry table my parents had, and that if I viewed our table in that way it would make things a lot easier.

All of that is just an example of what I mentioned above. I had pressed into my head the idea that a kitchen table is there to be used and well loved, like a shabby stuffed animal is. What other things do I view in that way? The past presidential election brought up many of those feelings for me. A year ago I finally found out that I think and believe very different things, politically, than my parents. Probably very different than my brother or sister-in-law too. This was a much easier transition than the table was, believe it or not. I believe there are certain convictions a person feels that make them vote a certain way and obviously the presidential races are always pretty close, so it's impossible to say that one candidate is completely better than another. But I grew up believing that if you are a Christian you must vote Republican. Obviously this tells you that I didn't end up voting Republican at the last election. I know that my parents never told me that Christians have to vote for Republicans. I guess that I just came to that conclusion by watching. And it wasn't just my parents, it's lots of other Christians I grew up with and their families. When I started researching the election and watching the debates I slowly realized that I was seeing parts of a much bigger world than I was aware was out there. All the sudden I realized I was not the only Christian that felt this way. Obviously part of the feeling of living in a bubble is because I live in Alabama, which is a very Republican state.

All of these things are important to growing up right? So back to my original point :) (all this rabbit trailing around is getting me going in circles). What would the world be like if we were all able to, at a certain age, remake choices. I know that this is impossible, it's just a silly idea I have. But what would you choose at the ripe age of 30, or 25, or 68, if you knew that your choice had no consequence. No one would judge you, no one would be disappointed, you wouldn't feel that your choice would be wrong simply because you've been living in nostalgia. Would you still believe in the God you do now? Would you vote differently? Would you still live in the town, country that you live in now? It's amazing how powerful the influence of other people is in our lives isn't it? Some people will live lives that aren't to their fullest simply because of the influence of others. Because they are people pleasers, or because (in my case more often than not) it reminds me of home, when home is an idea of feelings and memories.

So often I view people through a window of my upbringing and my experiences. I'm aware that that is totally normal and that there is no way for me to be me without all these upbringings and experiences. But it impresses upon me so much more the importance of what my friend Susan embodies so well, open mindedness. The more and more I think about these things, the more I realize that I need to be more open minded, the more and more things of my past annoy me. Things that I did in my younger days that I'm not proud of. I wonder how many other people are growing up without thinking through things like this. I remember when I was in college I couldn't find a church home that was enough like the one I left behind in South Carolina. This bugged me to no end! Why was it so difficult for me to simply find a church home in Alabama that fit me exactly where I was then? Why did I strive to recreate a life for myself here in Alabama that was just like South Carolina? Obviously one answer would be because I loved South Carolina, I loved Anderson, I loved my home, my family, the streets I played on, my church, the whole nine yards. But is it impossible to both love and appreciate them while going forward to grasp at a new life? Is it scary to think of changing? Sure. But I think it's even more frightening to think of staying the same.

Yesterday was the first day in a long long time that I didn't have to work at all. No Ellis Piano, no little students, no singing for the Catholics. It's not that I don't like working because I love all my jobs, but for the first time since the teaching semester ended I felt like I actually am having a vacation after all.
I started off my day by going to the Birmingham Quilter's Guild. I've never been able to attend before because of my hectic work schedule and it was such a blessing to be there. I know that quilting is only a hobby of mine and nothing more, not like a lifestyle choice or a forever job or something hugely important. But when I was there with all these other people who love the same thing that I love I felt like it was so right. Everywhere I looked people were doing things that I loved to do. They all had quilted name tags and as nerdy in it's own right that seems I thought it was wonderful and I day dreamed about what my name tag would look like if I could be a regular member of the guild. There were booths set up with information about workshops and drawings for fat quarters, even a donation table for scraps and old magazines. They also had tons and tons of food. Delicious food! When I was in line another woman looked down at the deserts and said to me "I'm going to just fill my plate up when I get there". I thought.. me too!

Yesterday was a testament to meeting friends on the Internet in real life and them not turning into crazy old men stalkers. Many of you know that I have a very active forum on www.caloriecount.com we often talk about meeting up and going on a cruise together. My husband quakes at the thought I know (bless him!). But yesterday I met a friend in real life that I met through the Internet. Judy (who I accidentally called Julia.. but Judy you had Julia on your blog so how was I to know?!) met me in Vestavia and took me to the Bham Quilters Guild meeting. It was such an honor to meet her and spend my morning with her. I could not imagine hooking up with a more knowledgeable and joyful woman. She introduced me to so many people I can't even remember names! She also walked me through the room and explained everything to me in great detail. I really felt like I belonged there and a great part of that was due to her wonderful hospitality. So, thanks a ton Judy! I really do hope that I get to join up with you and the other ladies more often.

I also got to meet Susan who I know through blog-land. I love to read Susan's blog and she updates it so often she makes me feel like I'm computer illiterate! Thanks Susan for taking pictures and for having such a wonderful blog, it was wonderful to meet you in real life and as I always I can't wait to see your quilting creations! These two pictures are from her blog. The first is of me and the quilted wall hanging I made for Jaime for our 2 year wedding anniversary. See, if people just knew me by this picture they would think I had a funny pointy chin and a limp arm... do I have a funny pointy chin? The second picture is one that I just had to paste here because I never ever want to forget what it looks like. This is what makes me want to keep quilting. I want to some day be able to make that, and to have the know-how to get the colors right.


It is so strange to meet people in person who you've only seen pictures of. It's amazing how your brain will fill in tiny details that may or may not be true of the person you know! As I met people I had only seen pictures of I realized that they might be thinking the same thing about me. Perhaps I look completely different in pictures than I do in real life. It makes me wonder about my calorie count friends, we've been friends for two years now.. two years is a long time to make up voices in your head, or pick out eye colors or hand movements. Rennai made a youtube video that I've seen and that helped me figure out more about her and Ingrid (bet you didn't know this Ingrid!) had a video on her blog about her baby and I heard her talking in the background. I remember being shocked and thinking... I didn't think Ingrid sounded like that, she sounds so different than what I imagined! What a shocker huh? That things aren't always as I imagine them to be.

Oh and Rennai, it's Whippy Cake that I'm wearing in the picture with the quilt, I love that necklace.

In other news I got some Christmas shopping done yesterday afternoon. I even went to the doctor and had my thyroid tested. I needed no reminders and really would have appreciated a gold star or something for being so 'with it' about blood work. I also got grocery shopping done. Hopefully it will be enough to feed us this week and next week since we'll be in SC Friday through Monday/Tuesday-ish. Sometimes it seems that no matter how diligent I am with the grocery shopping, that more of it needs to be done. This week I had a super secret tactic which was to buy some junk food dinners, like, hamburger helper. That way I knew that I would eat it rather than go out to eat, because let's face it, Moe's has like half of our eating out money for the month alone. Oh Moe's. Yesterday to hammer in the feeling of a holiday my friend Lauren and I went to Moe's and then to see New Moon. Does it matter that she's seen it three times and I have seen it twice? The theater was almost completely vacant which meant that we could talk through the whole thing! It's so good to just go out and feel like a girl and do girly things sometimes. I mean... seriously.

Shameless plug portion of this blog is to announce that I will be singing a solo with Sadie on Friday at EWTN. I found out this morning that he wants me to sing the libretto portion before the Alto solo of 'He Shall Feed His Flock' from the Messiah. I've never sung libretto, heck I've never even had a voice lesson before. So, needless to say, I'm a little bit nervous. I asked Sadie for all sorts of advice because I have no clue what I'm doing, it just sounds good... which is good I guess. I'm always floored by Sadie. Her voice is so natural and so simple sounding. She makes F's and G's above high C sound like the easiest thing in the world. I'm so glad that even though I sing soprano at EWTN I have the alto part. I'm very excited, pretty nervous, but also very excited :) Did I mention excited? EWTN, 7am Friday morning Central Time. Very excited. I don't think I'll ever get tired of singing for them. This picture is actually of the All Saints service I think, which is when I last sang with Sadie, Pie Jesu - Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm picture directly to Greg's left with half a head :)

Our Calorie Count Holiday Gift Exchange happened this week and due to the fact that we are spread out among the entirety of the United States (and Canada!) we opened our gifts throughout the week. Originally the deadline was to open on Monday but then some of us (me included) decided to mail cookies with their gifts which had to be opened earlier - so no one would have stale cookies. Then a huge storm hit the mid-west which delayed several packages.. needless to say it was quite the week.

I was surprised today by a package from one of my best imaginary friends, Rennai. And yes Rennai it was interesting packaging to say the least ;) My Holiday Gift Exchange Gift was the best ever! She always goes above and beyond what she should and her gift was so thoughtful. One of her friends in Arizona has a small company called Whippy Cake where she makes all sorts of cute things. I got two headbands and two chokers. I absolutely adore them! I had been telling Rennai how much I liked those for a long time now and even became a fan of Whippy Cake on Facebook (and I'm not a fan of much on Facebook). I can't believe that I not only have one set but two!! Plus, I tried the headbands on and they look sooo good :) The thin wire that they're made of really disappear in your hair :) I can't stop smiling.


The second thing that was in my package is almost beyond describing. I don't know what to say except that I am absolutely floored by it, by how well it's done and by her thoughtfulness in creating something like that for me. I think her uncle did it... correct me if I'm wrong Rennai. What else is there to say except that this is one of the sweetest presents I've ever received and that I am so so thankful. Rennai took her favorite picture of Jaime and I on our wedding day and had her uncle do a sketch of it for us. I'm taking it to get it framed this weekend. Griffeth Art Gallery, for those of you in the Bham area, are amazing and have framed all of our artwork. They are going to really make this piece shine.


I've never had someone sketch or paint a picture of me before, that is if you don't count the time I was at Opery Land when I was 6 or 7 and got one of those caricatures done. Thank you so much Rennai I absolutely love it, you have given me one of the best gifts ever. And no, it wasn't selfish of you to do the picture that was your favorite because it's one of mine too. Plus it's not too far off from the original don't you think? Thank you thank you thank you!

This is my first week off from teaching for the Holiday Break! Today I'm doing much better than I was doing yesterday. After I finished working I got home at 2pm and promptly fell to laziness. I know that it's ok because it's a vacation of sorts but for me, personally, I hate feeling like I'm not achieving something. Yesterday I had such a difficult time because I kept getting tired. I even layed down but couldn't fall asleep. I felt like I layed around all day long and wasted precious time. Precious time for what you might ask? I have no idea. Today has been much better though. Putting pictures of my dogs up on facebook, while not as important as making dinner or cleaning the house, made me feel like I got something done. I suppose that it was one of those things that really bugged me. I had this thing up that said, Churchill is a big brother but I never updated the pictures for like five months. Now that all the pictures are recent I feel much MUCH better about it.
I'm about to work on vacuuming which is exciting, right?! And I've also started on some cookies for Saturday's cookie thing at Lindsey's. I usually don't worry about the cookie bake off because Jaime hates my cookies and since his opinion is the only one that matters (besides mine) the only thing I'm interested in is eating a whole bunch of other people's cookies. But for some reason.. I really want to do something good this year. The only downer is knowing that Jaime doesn't like my cookies.. maybe he just doesn't like cookies at all.. gives me little inspiration because I'm afraid that anything I make will be boring and taste like bread. So I'm fishing for ideas and making cookies as I go. Is it bad that I have two different doughs in the fridge? Is that obsessive when I mention that I don't know if either of these will be the cookies I make? I am watching Food Network (I'm always watching Food Network) and I think it's making me a little more nervous than I normally would be... all these great looking cakes... and I can't even make chocolate chip cookies. Crazy right? Why do I torture myself like this?
So here's something else to consider. EWTN has several special Masses that we will be singing, like Christmas Eve. And one of those is New Years Eve. So I could sing a longer service, which pays more money, PLUS sing one of my and Jaime's favorite Christmas Hymns, or drink champagne and kiss my husband on the stroke of midnight. What do I do?! I still haven't decided. I went ahead and said I didn't think I would be there but now I'm second guessing myself. Since we aren't spending Christmas with my family on Christmas day it has really inspired me to spend these special times with my husband. He mentioned that if no one in his family makes any plans that we can have Christmas Day to ourselves (don't freak out Mom) and that really made me happy. This is after we have already planned to spend the weekend before with my family. I was really upset when I found out that we were having Christmas with Jaime's family, I've never not spent Christmas with my family. But now I'm over it and the thought of having a day to spend in the house with Jaime, cook a really special meal for just us and maybe go out to see a movie that evening.. it makes me feel like we are a family even though we don't have children or any one coming over, it makes me feel like we are a unit even more than we are now if that makes sense. What? Carrie, ramble? Who knew. Then I realized that even if we aren't alone on Christmas we will be on Christmas Eve. My very first time to cook something really amazing with him.. it's like Valentines Day to me in a way. Is this weird? I hope not. I want to make a ham!
In a similar way I was thinking about what I do when I go home to South Carolina. I spend all my time with my parents and brother and sister in law. I never realized before that Anderson would change like that for me. Not that it's a bad thing. Mom said that Cliff's Mom had come by and seen them into their new house which reminded me that I don't see him anymore. He was a really great friend that I always visited when I was in town, his mother is a wonderful lady! And although I miss seeing him, I know he's doing well in Florida, heck he's dating a model! I just realized that I think he was one of the people I went out with the most in Anderson and now that we don't do that I don't have a reason to get out and visit people. Paula was another reason but she also went off and got married, crazy married people, and lives in the next town over. You think it's hard to coordinate things when you're married? Try trying to get several couples together when you're also trying to visit your own family. See my point? I know that part of it is being married, I want to spend my time with Jaime and my family and showing Jaime things and talking with Jaime and watching Jaime with my Dad. Jaime Jaime Jaime :) No wonder I don't really have a reason to get out of my parents house with him there. The last time I went to Anderson I was thinking about taking Jaime out to eat, just the two of us, but I had such a hard time with it because the days were so full with spending time with my parents. Just venting here. That's one thing that I really miss about living at home. It's also something that I would look forward to if I ever lived closer to home. I suppose the downside to all of this is that the longer I'm away from home the more and more I feel like I have fewer and fewer reasons to be closer to home. I'll always have my parents there and that will always be important. But like the friends that I listed above, they're gone! And that's totally ok! But I'm finding that with time more and more things change and more and more 'home' is turning into 'that place I grew up in'. I think it's normal and I think it's good, but it is a little sad. I remember in our trips up North my mother and father would drive us through their towns that they grew up in, show us the house where they lived, there's even the house where my Dad's family who came over from Sweden lived (do you have one of those? I didn't think so). And the one really awesome thing that I look forward to is driving my children through Anderson and showing them the houses where I lived, where I learned to ride a bike etc. I'll always have those memories I'm just feeling it less important to be physically near them. I'm growing up ya'll!
And one more thing, Roll Tide! ROLL TIDE!!! Cry your eyes out Tim Tebow.

My husband and I have almost entirely different tastes when it comes to food. One of my favorite cookies to make over the Holiday Season are my Aunt Nancy's chocolate/peppermint cookies. I have no idea if that is the actual name of them or not, either way, they are delicious. My husband, on the other hand, thinks that they are "inedible". It makes me smile thinking about it. I both love and hate the fact that we like to eat different things. He thinks that semi sweet chocolate all the way to dark chocolate is horrible and too bitter. I, on the other hand, can't stand the milky quality of milk chocolate. Now, it's chocolate none the less so I'll eat it :) but I prefer dark.

I made some of these cookies (as well as even more ginger snaps) for 'Black Christmas' which was last night and they were all eaten by the end of the night. I suppose that someone besides me enjoys them! We have lots of dough left over which is why this conversation is brought to mind, we are sitting on the couch watching the Food Network and snacking on the dough (I almost always want more of the dough than the actual cookie with the exception of ginger snaps). Speaking of Black Christmas :) We had a wonderful group last night! Could that question and answer game get any more funny? Or scandalous? I mean, now I know why Jews aren't good at sports ;) (just kidding!)

In other news it snowed and that's pretty big news around here. I never really noticed how high up we are in the Birmingham area being "on the mountain" (and really we aren't even on the TOP of the mountain). When I 'went down the mountain' that morning most of the snow had melted, only my car had snow on it. And when I came back the only place that had snow was our neighborhood. I got a cute video of the dogs running around in it. It was Huxley's first snow, Churchill's third. Such similar triangles.

Teaching is over and even though I still have to work in the morning I feel like I'm on vacation. I almost forgot to buy food for me to bring to work with me. Who needs to eat? I mean for serious.

So what do you want for Christmas? Apparently my husband has a list in his wallet that I need to commandeer at some point, it has things on it like.. well actually I think it only has video games on it. Bless his heart I love him so much. Is it a bad thing that it makes me want to have babies with him when I see him grinding away at Demon Souls with our two puppies sleeping soundly beside him. Maybe wanting to have babies comes with the Christmas season :) No.. I think it's the video games and my husband playing them.

I think I've come up with a few different things. I'll always want more things for sewing, a gift card perhaps, really neat and interesting cotton fabrics for quilting. Which reminds me that I ordered my first sewing package (besides a quilting pattern) full of fabric and other good things. I can't remember what it is that I bought exactly so it should be a surprise when I get it this week. I also asked for a food processor. There have been about 5 times this fall/winter that I have needed one and didn't have one. I figure Christmas is as good a time as any for me to ask for that. BUT we were shopping tonight and we happened to look at coats. It reminded me of how much I need a coat. I tried on all these really pretty coats, especially cream colored ones that go half way down my thigh... so pretty. I looked so fancy! I felt so rich. But those are so out of our budget. Plus I found an Alabama hoodie that I really wanted as well.

Oh and Mom, I got that cardigan/sweater thingy we were looking for this afternoon and only for $13, you're proud aren't you? Maybe I'm more fashionable than I give myself credit for.

Ohhh Iron Chef is on and the secret ingrediant is chocolate... wonderful.

I think I just made about a million cookies :) Seriously. But I love making cookies so that's a good thing. I also finished several projects that I was working on. The CC girls are doing a holiday gift exchange and I finally finished my lucky lady's gift wrapping and sealing up etc. I feel like I've gotten so many things done today! Plus I've been really good about saving money in my spending account and now I feel like a billionaire. You know that feeling when you can splurge on something and it's not a big deal? I love it. This must be what it feels like to be rich with cash ;)


I've been doing lots of sewing lately, trying to catch up on some things, finish others, and think about starting even more :) Isn't that what sewing is all about? Also, bonus!, I think that I will be able to attend the next Birmingham quilter's guild meeting. I've never asked for time off to just do something for me before and my boss laughed when I told him what I wanted to do. Because school is finished soon for the holiday's there will be more than enough people to cover my hours which is wonderful. It's wonderful to think that I could have a morning free to do something that isn't work for me at all, it's just something that I love doing. And aren't these colors pretty together?

As always I have my sewing companions with me. Lately Huxley has been my shadow but on this evening they both decided to join me :) Have I ever mentioned how much I love having dogs? The only downside is how loud they are... and they can get pretty loud. They are watch dogs, it's what they are supposed to do right? How adorable is this picture? He just reached prime age for neutering so that will be done in the next month or two, poor little man. I found him laying like this, half way under the bed, those little legs were just too much for me to resist.


The dogs are sleeping and Jaime is finishing up some downloadable content for Boarderlands... it's all about zombies! Mmmm Brains. I don't have the grocery list with me but I'll update you on that. It came out to be around $66 which is $6 over what we have budgeted... we did get some extra things though like, a very large container of coffee for me. I swear that Walmart brand French Roast is the best coffee I've had apart from Dunkin Donuts and O'Henry's. For serious. It also goes really well with a mocha mix that I use from time to time. A little bit of that and a little bit of milk makes for an extra special morning.

Something about being home in Birmingham stresses me out just the slightest. I can't quite put my finger on it but it feels like when I'm here there is something that needs to be done ALL THE TIME. I could be cleaning, I could fold laundry, I could sweep the back porch, I really need to vacuum. The list goes on and on and on. I know this sounds funny but I think part of it is because I'm married. I feel like when Jaime's around we have to be doing things together, or if he's enjoying himself with video games or playing guitar or something that I can't be relaxing at all. I don't feel like that all the time but every now and then it really gets to me. Like today, I can't sit still. I don't know what I want to do to relax.. I guess I feel like unless my to-do list gets done I can't relax. The only problem is that my to-do list is never ending :) I do that to myself don't I? Makes me wonder if anyone else knows what that is like.


The dogs are spooning, they've been very cuddly lately; their little faces all mashed up next to each others. I got a great picture this weekend of Churchill as a sheep :) How adorable is that? We have these fleece parts that we bought when my family went to Scotland and Churchill didn't seem to mind if I pretended he was a sheep. So for posterity's sake I took lots of pictures.


Lots of things happened between Thursday morning and Saturday evening but unfortunately some of the things that didn't happen was time spent with my aunts, uncles, and, most of all, cousins. Wade and Miriam made several posts on my Facebook wall that made me really realize how wonderful it is to see my cousins every year (except this year). Some of the things that did happen, Churchill was turned into a sheep, Alabama won the Iron Bowl, ROLL TIDE!, and we visited some of our family out in Nauvoo. My mother always pronounces that nuvooo instead of Naw voo, emphasis on the Naw Mom:). Nauvoo was pretty much exactly like this picture, so whatever you take out of the picture is what our Thanksgiving was like :) An adventure and kind of crazy.


Churchill has demanded to ride in the front seat on the most recent car rides. He'll use any tactic he can, putting his head on your shoulder from the back seat, pawing at your arm, down to just giving us really dirty looks until we tell him to "come on" to the front seat. Maybe it's how he deals with being jealous of the other dog. Maybe it's his way of making sure that Hux knows who the Alpha is. It usually works, I can't stand him crying at me from the back seat for hours or trying to sneak into our laps (like we don't know he's there). Huxley, however, is way too happy to just sit in the back, he's a real dog, not a person-animal.


Something right happened with my camera on this shot, it was clear, colorful, and perfect looking. Maybe I need a new camera... maybe I'm just not a good photographer :) Either way I was pleased to see that this turned out well.

Our Puppies!

It's been long over due for two things. First for me to post pictures on this blog, and second for the dogs to have hair cuts. Can you believe that Huxley had his first hair cut at 10 weeks and now he's 7 months? That's a long time to not have your hair cut. Just to compare I took some before and after photos (I love my dogs that much). I felt the worst for Churchill because he could hardly see through the hair covering his eyes. I have a feeling that if I were a dog and I couldn't see because of the hair covering my eyes then I would be a clumsy dog, and he was. Now that they are all shaved it's like living with two rockets! They are so much faster! (because they know where they're going)

It's amazing how much they resemble some sort of shag carpet when their hair gets long. Huxley just looks like a teddy bear. Well not anymore fellas. When I got home from work on Saturday I couldn't believe that he was the same dog. Churchill, we've had him groomed many times so I knew what to expect, but Huxley? I've never seen him cut as a full sized dog, just a baby puppy. And my how adorable he is! So noble!And when his beard is brushed and laying flat he has stripes :) We're still a bit confused about the color of our dogs. They are both technically Salt and Pepper.. but Churchill looks way too light for that and Huxley is looking way too dark. On to more pictures! Churchill, the best thing about him are his expressive eyes, sweet almond eyes. His eyes are smart and knowing and aware. He really is a wonderful dog. His eyes are so big that he almost looks like a mouse in this picture, cute pink ears and all. He also looks like he's smiling. Oh and I spy a Sperry in this picture :) Love those shoes.
Super excited about our puppies and very excited to be taking them to see all grand parents over the Thanksgiving week/end. First Jaime's family and then my family. They will love the new hair cut and the dogs will love the freedom. You can run as free as you want in Nauvoo (yes that's a real place) and I hear my parents house has a fenced in back yard. They don't even know how exciting that will be :)
In other dog news (while we're at it). People say not to feed your dog chocolate, especially if they are a purebred dog. Somehow it didn't occur to me that Churchill would be tempted by the bowl of Hershey's Kisses when Jaime and I went out shopping. He's usually such a good dog, I mean, he isn't crated, he sleeps all day. Except the day that I leave out the Kisses. They say not to give your dog chocolate because it could kill them. Imagine all the caffeine in chocolate? Dog's can't handle that. (Actually once Churchill ate coffee grounds and was awake for about 24 hours straight.. jumping in and out of the tub, but that was years ago) I'll tell you the real reason you shouldn't feed your dog chocolate.

The real reason is that your dog will have the most gosh awful flatulence that you've ever experienced in your life. No joke. Churchill has been a poot factory for the past two days and it's almost unbearable being around him. Not only this, but if you feed your dog chocolate (and he doesn't know how to unwrap all the kisses.. he did unwrap about five of them and left the wrapping on the floor for me to pick up, but let's say he doesn't unwrap all of them) you will be left with a dog that poos all night long in your bedroom. Usually when there is an accident we blame Huxley. He's a puppy for Heaven's sake, sometimes he forgets! But this time when I went on clean-up duty... I saw... PLENTY of little bits of silver foil. What's wrapped in silver foil? Hershey's Kisses.
I know what you're thinking. Especially those of you without pets or small children. You're thinking, omg please shut up about your dogs. Please don't talk about their poots or their bowel movements. No one cares. But this is what happens when you have dogs, this is what happens, I guess, when you have children. And I'm sorry :) But I love my puppies and I happen to think it's really funny when they do things like eat Hershey's Kisses and then have sparkly poo. The End.

WARNING: very jumbled post. Now that I'm just writing without worrying I'm finding that I'm a very confusing blogger. So if you get lost in all of this, you can blame me :)

I think it's high time that I do some bragging on my students. I always call my Mom up and talk to her about all the students that I have and she's so patient with me on those phone conversations. Here I am going on and on about all these children she's never even met, yet somehow, she still listens and comments little interjections. I think that's what a Mom is supposed to do and I'm thinking that she loves the fact that I want to share things with her. At least that's what I hope she's thinking.
Either way, I'm proud of my students. Teaching piano gives me an immense amount of satisfaction and I often feel (like most bloggers out there) that if I don't let someone know it I can't really revel in it. I'm not a good secret keeper for my own thoughts. Not to say that I can't keep a secret, I just can't keep secrets about me! The more people who know exciting news the better, and I have exciting news about some of my students.
I was having a very difficult time encouraging two of my older students. These two are so talented and so capable of amazing things but they just don't apply themselves. The majority of my studio is younger, under 12, and they are pretty easy to encourage. It usually takes offering them a sticker for a completed piece or something larger for more work accomplished. I used to fall to candy to get them to participate well in a lesson. But things like stickers and candy just don't cut it with older students. Try telling a high schooler that you'll put a sticker on their book if they get their piece correct. Yeah, right. So I was stuck at an impass. I kept thinking, well, what did I do when I was younger? First off my parents were really on top of my practicing. I don't think I could have done it with out them. And secondly, I really wanted things like trophies and awards and I wanted to play well in competitions. I didn't fully grasp what I was capable of until years later but I still wanted to succeed. I have a hard time telling if these students understand what practicing means or if they just don't see the larger picture. Am I a bad teacher if I can't get them to understand? Tactics. What can I do to encourage someone to actually finish their theory homework before their next lesson. Obviously they don't understand why theory is so important, otherwise they would have finished it right? So what do you do?

With one student it was as easy as handing candy to a baby. Because that's what I did. I finally had to get tough and say "Look, you have to do your theory before you come to your lesson and you have to practice X amount before then too. You also have to write it all down for me on this cheesy checklist I printed off and if you don't then I'm going to eat all the candy I bought for you, in front of you". That's pretty much how it went down. I think on the next to last lesson I have with her I'll put the candy on the piano just to give her some extra motivation. And by candy I mean... far too much chocolate to give to a teenager. I told her that I would buy her as much candy as it took to get her to practice because her practicing means the world to me. It really does! So many students stop when they reach their teen years and it's very hard to get them to practice like they should. So if I can offer some Hershey's bars to someone and they get the results that I want, then yes, I will use that tactic.
The other student wasn't so easy. I said, what kind of candy do you like, I will buy you anything. She got all sweet and said, Oh you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. Blah blah blah. So I said, ok I'll buy you something else, something small to show you that I care if you practice or not. And she still was all humble and trying to be a sweet student (which she is) so then I had to revert to another tactic, and I really didn't want to go down that street. I pulled the Mom Card. You know what I'm talking about don't you. I asked her what would happen if she just "didn't have time" to do her homework for school? She said her Mom would find out and she would be in so much trouble. So I said (easy as pie) if you do not practice I will call your mother as soon as your lesson is over. That worked. I said, my offer still stands for your present so look at it this way. You practice, you get a present, you don't, your Mom gets mad. You chose.
Now the bragging part. I was highly skeptical that either of these pressures would work on either of these students. But, to my surprise and delight, they did. And for the past two weeks I have had two excellent pianists on my hands. I looked at one student and said "Can't you tell how much better you sound when you practice?". It's amazing to me to see how blind they are to it. I guess because they hear it every day as opposed to me hearing them once a week. I was thrilled when one student came in and her fingering was perfect, the last week it was a train wreck. I was like, you practiced, you wrote it down, and your fingering is perfect, that's exactly what I'm looking for!! The other student came in with her theory finished (even though she did it in class at school).
Another student has memorized his lesson pieces for me more times than not, without me asking. One student who came to me from another teacher who could not think of a way to motivate her any more, this past lesson she was so proud that she played two pieces for me from memory, more difficult pieces than what she was playing three months ago when she started with me. My day can be made perfect when a student comes to lessons like that. I am thrilled to see how excited they are, to see that they finally understand. That's what my job is all about.

I recently talked with another teacher. I was telling her how amazed I was with one of her students who was so well behaved and played quite well. That teacher told me that it took her two years to get there. She said that the student had behavior problems, would talk back, wouldn't practice, etc. I thought, two years, my goodness! It got me to thinking about students that I have had that long and I started wondering if I would have the patience to see a misbehaving student through to the end. This reminded me of one particular student. Not the talking back issue but the not practicing issue. Actually it reminded me of many of my students. I think with those students when I see them coming through and understanding or getting excited over a piece of music it's the most rewarding. I have several students who are recreational pianists, they do it for fun, they do it because it's enjoyable and something where they don't have to stress out about anything. They can forget about school, soccer, dance, or whatever else it is and just chill out :) One of these students the other day came into their lesson and I know that they don't practice much, so I don't expect a lot. But when they sat down and focused and played through something that they haven't really spent any time on, and played it perfectly, that was my moment. It was like a deep satisfaction in my middle, in my stomach, in my heart. I know I'm probably talking way too much and reading way too much into this but I wanted to get it out, just how proud I was. I've spent several years with this student and I saw them sight read something that just a week ago wasn't possible. That gave me so much hope :)

I also must say that I could be biased but the students I have now are a million times better than the students I first had when I began teaching. I don't know if that's just because I'm a different teacher than I was years ago, or if it's just that I have had a very lucky draw the past few years. Either way I'm thankful (quite nice for the Thanksgiving season) for all my students and I'm very thankful for their progress. There is nothing I love more about my job than seeing my students succeed and be happy in what they chose to do. I love watching them work hard and put in the effort and I love watching how surprised they are when they see how easy it all can be :)

Owl City

So I think I'm getting sick. Every time I swallow it hurts on one side. I really hope that this passes without a real sickness coming on, you know like sometimes your throat just hurts but then it goes away. I've been paranoid about getting the flu all fall semester with all the little ones that I teach, hands where my hands are people coughing and sneezing around me. :) I've been a Clorox queen on my piano and using hand sanitizer like it's going out of style. The sad thing about this is that I didn't teach on Thursday because of the dentist so I probably didn't get this sickness while teaching.. I just wasn't careful enough. But who am I kidding, I'll swallow fine by tonight.

Someone logged onto my facebook account at work and messed it up. I'll admit that I must not have signed out on Friday when I left. But that doesn't give someone free reign to go through it does it? My co-workers leave their facebooks up all the time. Once I put something in their status bar like Cory is the shiz or something silly like that. The person who changed me (and the reason I'm just so frustrated by it) put things in my profile like, interested in women (ha ha) or 'Hates all Religion' and other things. But they didn't stop there, they started inviting tons of people to be my friend. I'm still going through and unfriending people. I'm a really big fan of only being friends with people on your facebook if you're actually friends with them, not if you know them kind of thing. But this person friended friended people I used to go to church with as a child, very conservative people, and they also friended tons of my students (don't ask how they found them because I'm still figuring that out). I'm very tempted to have a conversation with my boss over this because that's my job. I teach children, they don't understand jokes like, Carrie is interested in women, or Carrie hates all religion. That's my reputation. And sure you can say, well you left your facebook open. I know, that part is my fault but does that give someone the permission to go through and do something like that? That's like a burgler coming into your house and saying, well your window was open so it's free reign.

But in the good parts of my life I got to have Mexican food for lunch yesterday :) AND Alabama crushed Mississippi. I'm enjoying the games more and more the more that I understand what's going on. Plus it doesn't hurt that the end score was something like 31-3. I mean, watching a team as good as Alabama makes watching football way easier. Plus this time I didn't fall asleep in an evening game. I usually doze off, it's hard sitting on the couch for three hours!

I also had a really good conversation with my husband while driving home from a friend's house Friday night. We had briefly talked about goals that we have for our lives while there. The kind of thing if money, time, or locations weren't in the way what would you want to do with your life. His answer kind of lacked substance in my opinion and he finally said, I don't know, I don't really have any goals. Then he talked about being able to leave something to his children, pocket watches, something small and nice. I love that he always comes back to that. Wanting to leave something to his children because let's be honest, I want to have his babies! But on the drive back he asked me what mine would be and I said that I would like to own some land. I'd like to have a few farm animals, goats, sheep, maybe some chickens, a few more dogs. Jaime added horses to the list. I'd like to have room enough to garden. I'd like to be able to maybe someday have a dairy cow. It was a lot of fun to talk with him about something we both dream about someday having. Who knows if it will ever happen but it's nice to sit with my husband and imagine what it would be like if this dream came true. I mean, it's more than nice. It's that most comfortable place you can think of, it's everything is going right, it's total satisfaction. That's how I felt in the car as he drove me home. So many times marriage can seem like there are two people who are very different but live together and we mash our feelings and thoughts together to try to make one thing out of them. It's like braiding different ideas together and saying that they are one idea. Jaime and I aren't the kind of people who hide what we think or feel from people, we'll just let you know how it's going down. So our 'braid of ideas' never really convinces anyone that we see the same way about anything. But Friday night while we were driving we weren't braiding anything together, it was like floating down a stream of thoughts and dreams and futures, going the exact same way, effortlessly.
I know that I'm probably over romanticising this and Jaime might dry heave when he reads it ;) But it really was an amazing moment. Those good moments will make our marriage last longer I think.

I'm so excited about the Christmas season. Jaime and I are going to try to make new traditions for us as a family (us and our dogs). This is the first year that we won't be spending Christmas day in Anderson and I've figured that the best way to cope with this is to just let things happen and just roll with it. So part of this will be new traditions. Small traditions, but perhaps traditions that will last us the rest of our lives. Who knows. Like my parents, they bought these red ball christmas ornaments their first year of marriage and they still put them on the tree. They might not have thought at the time that years and years later they would still be putting those up but they are, and it's meaningful now. I think this year we should finally go out and get stockings for ourselves. Maybe someday I'll actually get around to quilting some stockings for us. I realized that we always have stockings at my parents and this year that it will be earlier than Christmas when we get those, wouldn't it be nice to still have a stocking on Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day? I'm so excited about Christmas. I want to put up the tree right now. :) Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. It's Huxley's first Christmas :)

I'm rambling :) I have a wedding to play this afternoon and I want to finish piecing all the blocks for the quilt I'm working on. That's a lot of work but I think that I have enough time tonight do that. It's been taking forever to get these blocks together. I guess that's what you get when you work all the time. December will be a good month for sewing I have a feeling.

Teeth and Thoughts

So today I have to go to the dentist. That's one of the problems with being a music teacher. I have all these kids lined up for lessons after school and then something happens like the dentist, or the doctor. Then I have to go through and cancel lessons for the day and move people around, it's like unraveling a sweater. This whole week I spent way too much time trying to figure out if I should cancel the dentist and reschedule it or cancel the lessons and reschedule them. I went back and forth about a million times. I thought, maybe they will have an opening in December when I won't be teaching lessons but honestly, something else would come up for me to cancel it for again.
My husband says that I have a problem being absent minded. I know I have a problem with it, it's like thoughts are just rushing through my mind and if I jump up I might grab one before it gets away but what if I didn't grab the right one? What if I forgot about which one I was supposed to have? Jaime tells me to simply finish what I'm working on and if I'm not doing something and something comes to mind do it right away. Case in point, checking the mail. I'll look through the mail, see something that needs to be attended to but then realize that I haven't let the dogs out. Five days later I find out that I forgot to pay the water bill. (This has never really actually happened, we always pay our bills on time, this is just an example) Similar things, however, do happen. Just ask my husband. I lose my cell phone about five times a day too.
So I decided to man-up and go to the dentist and was able to rearrange my teaching schedule fairly easily. I was so pleased with myself. But now I'm nervous about the dentist, and not nervous in the way you might think I'm nervous. I'm not really afraid of the drills or weird noises or that it's going to hurt me. I'm afraid of two things... three things. One is simple. I have these teeth that love to hold onto things when I eat them. One little crevice in particular loves to hold onto little pieces of gum after I've spat it out. Jaime always has to check my teeth after I chew gum. Oh gosh and after I eat any leafy greens my teeth seem to have kept half of the food to themselves! My mouth is riddled with it. I guess that's why they give you toothpicks. The thing is, I just ate a whole bunch of broccoli and now I'm wondering if I should let them know ahead of time, there might be leftovers in my teeth.
The second thing I worry about is cavities. Back in May I decided to go a whole month without sugar, if I could help it. Like, no candy, no sugar in coffee or tea, no desserts. Obviously there is sugar in somethings like plain cheerios, even veggies and fruits. Those were ok. The point is, my dental appointment was after that month and for the first time IN MY LIFE I had no cavities. This time, the dental appointment is after Halloween. It's after six bags of candy. It's after yesterday where I ate a whole large bag of m&ms. I brush, and I floss, and I also use that mouthwash stuff. We all know that I'm not going to stop eating candy any time soon so I guess that's the best I can do for now.
Third thing. Again with the candy. I love smarties. My husband tells me that I'm the only person who likes them but I know someone else does, Mom! See? More than one. The only problem is that I eat smarties with my front teeth, like a squirell eats a nut. This is the way that I do it, I'm not changing. Obviously I like doing it this way. Problem is though, that it wears the enamel on my teeth down.. and I've had two fillings done on my front teeth already. The other problem is that one of those fillings fell out a few months back.. My dentist tried to convince me that my bite was messed up and that I needed 'orthodontics' which is fancy talk for braces. I just told him, look, I've done the braces thing, I like my teeth the way they are, I like the way I eat, I'm sorry you have a problem with it but do the filling already ok?
I don't want another filling. I want God to send me four new teeth, the kind that doesn't wear away when you chew with them. Teeth made out of steel, but pearly white. Got that God? Ok good.

In general news today finds me rather frustrated. I think that I'm the kind of person that thinks they are right about things.. I mean, knows they are right about things. My way is better kind of thing. Is that Type A? There are things that I usually know I'm right about and when people ignore what I have to say I get really frustrated. This used to happen all the time with my college roommate. Love you! But she was the personality that just-didn't-give-a-you-know-what. That was frustrating. The other day I was driving with my husband to the Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 release (yes, it was at midnight, yes we stood in line in the freezing rain and yes I was one of the only girls there). He went around his behind to get to his elbow while driving. Now I love my husband and adore him so usually when he drives these crazy directions to get us somewhere and it takes twice as long I really don't mind. Because I love him you see? But most other people I don't love that much, so I'll let them know, You're going the wrong way, you know that, right? You are aware there are better ways of doing things, right?

It's this type of thinking that gets me in trouble. Not really trouble, but in uncomfortable situations. Having this mindset that I'm right about something makes me blind to people who aren't going to let their thoughts run as freely as mine. So I end up feeling like I've trampled over something really delicate. I said in my last post I talked about how I shouldn't be worried about what people think as much and I usually am not (just for some reason this blog got a little bit weird for me so I had to change it) and I'm not worried that someone would disagree with me because ususally when someone disagrees with me it means that they are wrong and it will be worse for them in the end. Because I'm always right. But this isn't always true! And that's what's so frustrating right now. There are some topics that are opinions, lots of topics. Things like, how to live your life, when to get married, what to major in in college, these things are opinion topics. Which way is the quickest way to Best Buy is not an opinion. But I'm stuck between 'My opinion is right' and 'Your opinion is different but also right' and I hate it.

I'm also beating around the bush. What I'm trying to say is that I feel very strongly about many things and usually when someone disagrees with me I don't worry about it but lately people have disagreed with me and I have worried about it. And that my friends is frustrating. This morning I thought it over and the more and more I thought about it the more I felt like I was cornered. That I was the only person who felt this way and everyone thought I was silly. I know that not everyone thinks I'm silly for feeling this way, but it's difficult for me to admit that my way is not 100% correct that there are many ways to get up to the mountain, I just perfer a certain path. And I want to say, if you don't want to walk the path that I chose then find your own way up. Mine's better though. Mine's prettier, it has better views. And see? Here I am back at the beginning trying to push my way on someone.
You see the problems I'm having? I like to think that because I think I'm right about lots of things (and by the way, if I don't know what I'm talking about I'll always let you know, I know that I'm right about the things I'm right about, get it?) it makes me a good teacher. So there are some good things that come of this I suppose.

Changes

When I was in college I had an online journal and I was so good at it. I was really into it. I think that it was easier for me to journal about things that came into my head because I didn't care who read it (hardly anyone knew about it) and I wasn't worried about what people thought of me. I'm still a little bit of the same person but now I worry about the people who read it. I worry who reads and what they will think and if it will change their impression of me. When I was in college the only people I interacted with were my friends and my professors so it didn't really matter what I wrote in my journal. Now that I'm out of college and into my real life I come into contact with so many other people and now that the internet is such a vivacious hit many people can come into contact with me online.

To be completely honest, I'm thrilled that people read my blog. I'm glad that many different people read my blog, I have parents of students, friends from college, my husband, my parents, imaginary internet friends I have yet to meet in real life. People from all over. But the catch is, what if I say something that my parents don't like?! What if I say something that offends one of my online friends? What if people don't approve? That's really the bottom line question. What if they don't approve.

I was reading through some of my old xanga journal entries and I loved reading about how open and honest I was with myself, how transparent I was. I miss that in my journals. One thing that I've always hated, I mean, hated, about people is fakeness (blogspot is telling me that this isn't a word). I think it's ok to hate it when someone is being fake. It's totally different to actually hate someone than to hate their actions. I feel like I've been sort of fake with this journal. I'm not trying to cover anything up but I honestly feel that I've been leaving things out.

I had a conversation with a friend recently about being fake. I was trying to impress upon her the importance of being fully who she really is. We're newish friends so we don't know a whole lot about each other but I know that there is a potential and honestly I'm not going to spend the time on someone who isn't being truthful to me. She likes to do things like say she's fine and then you realize later on that she isn't. So I called her out on it, twice I think, but in a loving way. If you aren't doing fine, I want to know, and I'll still care. I think it worked because the last time I talked to her she told me "Well, no I'm not doing fine but now's not the time to talk about it". I can take that, I can swallow that, go ahead and throw me another.

Point is, I'm being a bit fake myself with my journal and there are parts of me that really long for a place where I can just be me, to let it all out, the good and the bad. Because I've never been a fake person and I've never before been worried about what other people think. So why start now? I'm glad that I could get all this out lol. So if you've gotten bored while reading it, then stop reading :) I say that with a huge smile on my face! What I do mean to say is that although I'll keep updating pictures and grocery lists I think I'll try to make this place more real. More fun to read, more intimate, and more of me. I mean, anyone can write out lists of grocery items right? Or update pictures of their adorable dogs? Or go on cookie sprees for a month? Right?

So here's your warning. If you are nervous about what I just might honestly say then don't read anymore, but if you are really interested in what goes on in the life of Carrie Black then by all means, be my guest :) I always wrote more interesting things when I knew that people were reading anyway.