I swear I'm still an extrovert

In the last post I pet peeved about people that drive me crazy and ended by saying that I felt I was self sufficient.

In every single Myers/Briggs test I've ever taken I have always come out with E for Extrovert. I've also always ranged between ENFP and ESFP... but that is beside the point. I'm sure that there are a range of extroverts out there with different levels of loving-to-be-around-people-all-the-time. After posting about how I love to check myself out at the grocery store, at the cashier-not my reflection in the frozen food doors, I realized that there are lots of things I like to do by myself. Somehow that just doesn't seem synonymous with extrovert. I like to be left alone while shopping. If someone asks me if they can help me find something in a store I just say 'No'. Leave me alone. If they keep talking or offer me their daily special I turn around and walk away. I want to focus on the task at hand, something that I think I'm very good at. Grocery shopping for instance, I do not need your help to find my groceries, I'm already very good at it. Once in Victoria's Secret I was approched by three different people asking if they could help me find something. Three people? To help me find underwear? I know what I'm looking for for goodness sake! It's underwear. I went to a music store to find a sonata book years ago and someone asked if they could help me and I said "I'm just looking for a book of sonatas by different composers". The woman said to me, "oh we don't have anything like that". All I could think was... I should not have talked to you, and then walked to the section and got the book I was looking for. I knew that store better than the person being paid to be there.

I swear I'm still an extrovert but sometimes, just sometimes I really revel in being alone. Lately I've found that to be true more and more. Maybe it's the whole, having a husband effect on me. Last Wednesday I went to Barnes and Noble to read through a book. It was so nice to just sit in a chair for an hour, free to read what I wanted. I felt so put together after that. I have to be honest and say that in this case I did ask for help finding the book I was looking for, BUT no one approached me. There's a difference. I have no problem seeking out help or advice... but freely given? No thanks.

I realized yesterday after having run by myself at the gym how much I enjoyed it. It was almost like by running by myself, without my husband or dog, that I was in charge and in control of my run. Doesn't make sense when you really think about it, I mean, I'm still in control if Jaime is running beside me, or Churchill. I think part of it was because yesterday was such a gosh darn good run. I did four miles which for me is becoming my new base. I had been struggling for run after run of not having enough energy, or feeling like I'm out of breath. I thought.. maybe I'm not a runner, maybe it's my crazy thyroid acting up, maybe I ate the wrong thing? Yesterday I pulled the speed way way down and ran like I've never run before. I was just going too fast. It was like I could keep going forever. I had been having a hard time before with taking breaks during my run. I would have to walk for a few minutes during every run, and usually several times. Last night was not like that, I had to stretch at one point because my legs got tight and then I walked it out but after about two minutes I started right back up. It was so easy for me. After I left the gym all I could think about was how nice it was to do that by myself. I've read about so many people that are in running groups or have friends that they run with. All I can think is what trouble! I don't want someone waiting for my slow legs to finish, I don't want to hold someone back, or be held back myself. I don't want someone to watch me agonize over six miles this weekend. I want to be by myself and focus only on me and my game.

You know, being a musician is very similar now that I think about it. I used to spend hours a day practicing by myself. I think I really miss that alone time that I had. No one to bother me, no one to remind me of deadlines or stress me out, just me and my work. I do my best work like that. It's the idea that no one is watching you. No one. How opposite is that from a performance when all eyes are on you, or a race where you are literally surrounded by people. That raises an entirely different question, how to make the switch from alone to surrounded... I don't even know how to answer that myself.

Point is, I liked being alone yesterday and I look forward to my next run :)